Seychelle

Since rousing Ben for school in the morning was not as easy as rousing myself, I used to turn on the Jim Bakker show in order to do my heavy lifting. Because no one can sleep through that, I figured.

And that's how I got hooked.

I watched with head-turning fascination (think puzzled dog) as Mr. Bakker sold gear for disaster survival. Or, more aptly put, tribulation survival. He is definitely not pre-trib, believing we had better be doubly prepared for banding together as a millennium church and bartering freeze-dried food, seeds, water, and home remedies for hair cuts and plumbing work. Well, other trades too if I'm being honest, but these two did come up fairly often.

And it made total sense! (Even though I'm a staunch pre-tribber, and believe we will have no use for such things). (That, my friends, is excellent salesmanship.)

Likewise, Ben, like a snake being charmed from its basket, would slither from his covers to an upright position of enchantment. Because, though the Bakkers were selling tribulation gear, it was backpacking gear that Ben heard. We sat, breaking down in our heads the cost of seven years worth of food versus the cost of three years worth. Plus also, the worthiness of those Seychelle water bottles that make all things new, over those little tablets that may or may not. A difference which is pertinent, especially if one is considering swamp water. It seemed that our separate, but growing obsessions met and shook hands on the Jim Bakker show.

The Bakkers even offered a one-fit solution for any medical needs we might have during our tribulation ordeal/backpacking adventure. And as I watched, morning after morning, I eventually came to wonder, "Maybe I should put colloidal silver in my dog's ears." (I have to add here that the Bakker's are not actually selling colloidal silver, but its handsomer cousin, Silver Sol, which is guaranteed not to turn a person blue from overuse.) (And which is safe enough even for a dog's ears!) (Plus also venereal disease!) (That's basically all I know!) (Because if I'm to give out anymore facts, I have to watch a fourteen minute video!) (Which is not going to happen!)

My father, who lives within forty-five minutes or so of Jim Bakker's condominium complex at Morningside (somewhat near Branson, MO), eventually became concerned with my constant questions about the Bakker's doings, shaking his head at my puzzling focus on their ministry. Though, I have to say, Dad never lacked an answer since he has access to a Christian barking chain of sorts, living as he does in that same area.

I also wondered regularly at the circular reasoning for Mr. Bakker's daily program. I understood that he only sold stuff on air in order to stay on air, but........in order to stay on air he had to devote his entire program to tribulation survival/hiking weekend gear (depending on whether you were talking to me or Ben), so.....it seemed a combs-for-her-hair/hair-for-his-watch fob situation. Only, slightly less O'Henry-like and slightly more pointless-like.

BUT, I have to add that in February 2011, Mr. Bakker announced that during a time of prayer, he was given the words "Major March" for March 2011. He was unsure of specifics, whether positive or negative, but emphasized the importance of watching for world-changing events in March.

Coincidentally or not, how right he was.

In any case, looking back, I could have done a lot worse than be as prepared for eventualities (temporal or spiritual) as Mr. Bakker. So, my hat is still off.