The following is a FB exchange between my sister and I in May 2011, after a prolonged eye condition required her to visit a round of doctors and receive various ineffective prescriptions. She was beginning to wonder if she would ever get well, then they started giving her steroid injections - in the eye:
Scottie: Stacey, please begin writing *The Steroid Trials: I Shall Not Go Quietly Into the Madness*....(oh, and mark me down for another book title :
Me: Day two: Scottie's eye swells to double it's normal capacity and relocates to another socket.
Day three: With her eye oozing a clearish coagulant, Scottie frantically telephones her physician. They have gone out for tea and crumpets.
Day four: Scottie screams at the butcher and gouges out her one good eye because the other one is too tender to mess with.
Day five: Scottie text messages a picture of her freakishly bulbous eyeball to her loving sister - who forwards it to everyone in her address book. It has now gone viral.
Day six: Scottie defends herself against all accusations of corneal syphilis. (Again reminding her of her honeymoon.)
Day seven: Jack breaks up with Scottie, placating, "It's not you; it's eye. I mean me."
Day eight: Scottie kicks a man in a local Captain D's. Then shoots him.
Day nine: Scottie curses God, but does not die.
Day ten: Scottie self-medicates her eye with Ambien, whereafter it cooks an entire meal, text messages old boyfriends, and drives to the mall.
(Btw, Scottie's better now.)
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