Bad Guys

When it was clear we were under attack, we tiptoed to Levi's closet and snagged the longest gun we could find. With this wooden gun, Levi was able to slow the assault somewhat, but if we were to make it out alive I would have to help. So I hunkered behind the nearest wall and shot nineteen Bad Guys with my dinner fork.

Moments later, I would cover our flank with said fork while Levi burst into the front bathroom, using the element of surprise in conjunction with solid marksmanship to route thirty-one Bad Guys. When they had scattered in all directions, I brandished my fork in triumph.

That is when Levi saw my fork.

He said, "Ma? Why you using a fork to get the Bad Guys?"

So we hunted and foraged throughout the closet for a "real" gun, only to be constantly interrupted by a barrage of enemy fire. We fought for our lives between full-frontal assaults and reconnoitering missions to the back of the couch. And if it weren't for my fork in those pressing moments, we would have been completely undone in the 7:15 Living Room Campaign.

But feeling vulnerable and discredited after our near-calamitous ruin in the kitchen doorway and Levi's frequent chagrined glances at my fork, I slipped away to search lengthily for, at least, the orange capgun with the chewed handle.

Levi said only, when he caught me searching again, with a long and sad sigh, "Ma, just use the fork."