Stairs Boy

Nineteen years ago, on November 1, 1992, Benjamin Wesson Helms was born. Before his birth, I feared I would not be able to love another child as I did Luke, but I had hope that, in time, probably, I could learn to love him.

After Ben was delivered, they placed him on my chest, and I said to him spontaneously, "Hey, Cowboy!"

It was said all warbly- and dreamy-like with the rush of instant love. I marveled that I had ever worried, relieved at how these things take care of themselves. My next thought was for my first son who was now blessed with a brother. As for Allen, he could not have been prouder in the bounty of two sons.

When Ben was finally old enough to make himself useful, Luke ran to me, declaring, "Hey! Ben is fun!"

That began Ben's continual role as the Yankee or the German in all backyard wars. He learned defeat at a young age, and it has made him pragmatic and easy-going, but he was so quiet and focused as a boy that it was difficult to gauge his personality - though that, in itself, revealed much.

He was sensitive and watchful, always fascinated by visiting babies. I remember him sitting quietly beside his younger cousin, gently stroking his head while all the other cousins frolicked madly. At four, he would roll himself in a blanket, announcing, "Hey, look! I'm a pupa." He insisted I change the words to "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" to: "And one for the little boy who lives by the lake."

He has an odd take on life, and is an ongoing surprise of brilliant humor.

He is an Eagle Scout and enjoys collecting camping and survival gear - for the day he leaves me and begins his lifelong dream of living as a "hobo". He is a connoisseur of tea and pipe tobacco (he thinks), and makes the meanest campfire succotash (and I would've thought that would be just gross).

Last month, when he told me he was thinking of joining the military (he has been well-trained, after all), I broke down crying until he took it all back and held me while I hiccuped. (I tried the same with Luke in a similar situation........but he got married anyway.)

Now, Ben can remain "the boy upstairs", and I will be the happiest mother in the land.